My Tough Day

Yesterday was a pretty emotional day for me…I decided to face an emotionally rough situation I’ve been avoiding for awhile and talk to the other person involved.  It was hard, and I realized that in a lot of situations, I’m seen by others as kind of impervious to pain.  Well, I’m definitely not.  I can reason and talk stuff out…but while that’s happening it hurts like hell.  I think that may get missed sometimes because I will always default to the older sister role of making the other person feel better.  It’s not wrong…until I do it to avoid my own pain.  Which I do. 

After that conversation I went to a fundraiser banquet that I’d been invited to a couple weeks ago, had RSVP’d and still didn’t quite know what it was.  Well, it was being held at the church my brother’s funeral was at.  Strike one.  It was about mother’s who’d lost babies.  Strike two.  It was a great evening…I cried as these pictures were shown of precious lost babies, and listened to my friend Rima (who I haven’t seen in years and didn’t know would be there, strike one for the awesome side) spoke of being called to the hospital when parents have lost an infant, and taking photographs of them with their baby so that they have something to remember the life they’d lost.  The organization Rima is with, Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, retouches the photos and even makes the parents a video, all free of charge.  The results are always stunning, and anyone can have this done.  I was so impressed and amazed by this service, it truly was a blessing for me to be there.  But thinking about parents who’ve lost children while in the fireside room of that church, which I remembered was the overflow room for my own brother’s funeral going on 5 years before, I just sat there and cried.  Good thing I was in good company!

So this morning I woke up kind of exhausted.  And I changed 6 times before I left the house.  I still don’t like my outfit.  I have a networking lunch today, letters to go out, an event to plan…there’s no time to be sad.  But I am.  So when I pulled into the starbucks parking lot today and saw that they’ve had their Christmas roll out, I had to smile.  I LOVE Starbucks at Christmas.  LOVE it.  I walked in and my happy adorable little barrista greeted me and told me all about the stuff she knew I’d like…gingerbread latte in my tummy it was.  In a kids traveller cup. 

You know what?  It’s gonna be a good day 🙂

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