Ever since I was a little girl, I knew that Jesus died for my sins because he loves me and wants to spend eternity with me in Heaven. Not only that, but he loves my brothers and sister and parents and neighbours and school friends and grandparents and people on tv and everyone I ever meet and everyone I ever don’t meet who is has or will be alive, ever. Not only does he want to spend eternity with each and every one of us, he also wants us to lead great lives full of love and purpose. Not only that…but he CREATED us to live lives like that. I know this so inherently that…I do nothing with it. I wake up every morning and think about two things: first, coffee. Second, what am I going to wear? After that, I complete my daily ablutions and hop in the car to go to the office or a meeting. I work all day. And throughout the day, I think about the things I want to buy, the places I want to vacation to, the house I want to live in, the car I want to drive, the man I want to marry, the kids I want to have…and what I want to be wearing when I do all these things. Because, really…what else is there? Well, ok. I also think about the things I want to do to improve the world I live in. People are starving on the other side of the world and, I’m told, right here in our city. People live in countries where it’s not uncommon to disappear in the middle of the night and never be heard from again; because they were speaking out about the government. Women, men and children are living in abusive relationships. We have prostitution, drugs, human trafficking. And yes, throughout my day I think of these things that are going on in the world, and I want to help. I want to be a part of solving all of the things that cause the massive amounts of pain, which begets more pain. And then I pause. And ask myself why. Because if I didn’t know the first thing I talked about, which is that the creator of the entire universe and ALL the people in it loves ME, and every single other person, and wants this sick world to NOT be the only thing we experience…why would it matter? Why bother making a difference when we’re all going to die? Because we’re not. That’s the only reason I have. This is not it. So here’s the thing: What is this? Why are we here? Why are we suffering? Why am I lucky? What do I do now? I don’t know what your answers are…or if it matters enough for you to ask these questions. It matters to me. More than anything else, this matters to me. What am I doing here? During my regular day doing regular things, there’s another little part: the part where I know why I’m really here. This didn’t come from me…it’s too good for me. But it’s in me. This is the part that tells me that the stuff clouding up my brain doesn’t matter at all. It tells me that I, Brianna, am wonderfully made and have a purpose. That even though this life may hurt me like crazy sometimes, and delight me to no end at others, it’s just that: a life. It will end. And after that, eternity with my creator begins. But before that happens, there’s a job for me. I get to use my gifts to make strangers smile. To accidentally teach my Mom about purpose. To facilitate the learning of the gospel for rural Chinese people. To write blogs about what I’ve been through that help people with what they’ve been through. I get to hear people’s stories and cry with them. I get to help. All the time. I get the priviledge of being connected with other people that God has created, if I want to exercise it. And this great little part of me wants nothing more than to love God and to love people. My favourite part about this great little part of me is that I can grow it. I can live in it and I can focus on it…and it grows. And the possibility that I like to think about is that it can grow so big that it starts to take over the parts of me concerned with coffee and clothes and my future…it can grow so big that all I ever want to do is look up to where my creator is, and want nothing more than to do exactly what he would have me do…and then do it. I want that. More and more every day, I want that. To want nothing more than to live in God’s will. To live my whole life doing exactly what I was created for, and to know that nothing matters at ALL compared to loving God and living out my purpose in him; which is to love people. And it’s when I think of this possibility; the time in my day when I dream about having nothing else in my brain but serving my maker, that I’m the most happy. I live in the world. I am mortal, I am fallible, I am wrong most of the time. But I am also redeemed. Through none of my own doings, I have been redeemed by Christ. And the only thing that actually matters in my life is that I live like it. Simple? True.
I like shopping at stores with one of a kind items, so I spend a lot of time at Goodwill and Antique Malls. I love Ambrosia salad, and refuse to eat perogies. Aside from my husband, my Mom is my very best friend even though I hated her off and on when I was a teenager. I believe you should know the reasons you do the things you do, and am constantly asking myself why I think, feel and behave the way I do in every situation. I'm probably a narcisist. View All Posts