He’s Just Not That Into You. The Rules. Date…Or Soulmate? Women read books, watch TV shows, and talk to each other incessantly about our relationships with men. If we spent the same amount of time in school as we do obsessing over how to be in relationships, we’d all be doctors by the time we’re 30. So why then, WHY are we not smarter? Why do we waste time with men who don’t care about us, don’t think about us, and don’t spend even a fraction of the time we do making sure we’re making the right choices? Why do we ignore the good men in favour of the bad men? And the biggest question: why do we give these men our bodies???
I am not pointing a finger, not at all. On the contrary, I’ve been guilty of all of these crimes myself. I have subscribed, albeit briefly, to the Sex and the City attitude of “sex is just sex”…and it hurt me more than I can easily explain. I thought it was a physical act, and I wasn’t sharing my soul…I was faced with how wrong I was when the relationship was really over and I realized how little our physical relationship mattered to him. I had been holding out the faint hope deep deep down that if we were physical, someday he would appreciate, love and want me forever. But he never did. And he never would have, no matter what I had done. And so someday, I will find the man who wants all of me forever…and all of me is no longer there to give him. It’s sad.
There is nothing that I have that has any eternal value on this earth except my soul…and so far I’ve been giving it away for free. Why does sex = soul for women? Because letting another person into our bodies is a big deal, even if we have learned to pretend it isn’t. Sex is intimate, and intimacy involves trust. To trust another person, you have to open yourself up enough to be vulnerable…the act of being naked with someone and as close as two human beings can possibly be has as much to do with your soul as it does your body. We can’t seperate the two even if we try.
If you knew you had something this valuable, would you give it away to someone who didn’t even really want it? Of course you wouldn’t.
Think of it this way: if you saw someone standing on the street corner with a Birkin Bag that had a “free” sign on it, what would you think? Most people would automatically assume that something was wrong with it and steer clear. It’s a very sought-after bag, this is common knowledge; to give it away would be lunacy and therefore it must be fake or damaged or a trick. Now, take the same bag, market it properly and price it ridiculously high? You have people waiting years to buy it. It has value. It’s not something everyone can have…it’s a BIRKIN BAG.
So yes, YOU are a Birkin Bag. You’re valuable, and you are worth the wait. Sex is a great thing when shared with someone who loves you enough to commit to you, to wait, and to stay when life gets rough. If we can all shift our mindset on this, we can spend less money on relationship books…and get our names on the list for real Birkin Bags.
Who’s with me???
5 thoughts on “Givin’ it away for FREE”
Brianna, you are an amazing woman. Never let anyone tell you or convince you otherwise. I totally agree with you on this one! Let’s tell the world of women that they are Birkin Bags!
This is exactly what I want to communicate to my daughters, when they are older. I want them to know how valuable they are – every part of them!
Thanks Jody, we need to get the word out!!! Jamie, I love hearing that…I know you’re doing an awesome job with those girls!
In your article you pose the question, “Why does sex = soul for women?” Not so fast. There do exist men (although admittedly, probably not as common as women) for whom “sex = soul” too!
PS: I personally speculate that perhaps most males and females, are both born with this, if you will, ‘equation’ encoded in our genes. If so, perhaps these genes get switched off -or just fail to switch on- under the influence of cultural mores and the choices one makes, for some reason more readily in men than in women.
Interesting, Brad…thanks for your input!